Trashfan Wildlife Special Report:
Bizarre Creatures Of The Horrific Ocean
Guest Trashy Nature Reporter: Joey Headset
Everybody knows Billy Ocean can deliver a smooth ballad (e.g. "Love Zone") and obviously he can move the dancefloor (e.g. "Caribbean Queen"), but did you know that Mr. Ocean can also RAWK the HELL OUT?
Though best known for his danceable R&B grooves, Billy Ocean's "Loverboy" is a straight up rock song, complete with fuzzed out guitars, power chords a-plenty and even a reasonably competent guitar solo! Though the musical arrangement is not what we've come to expect from Billy, the lyrics cover familiar territory: Billy telling the listener that he intends to be your Lovah- Lovah- Lovahboy. Classic!
The song is undeniably awesome, but what about the video? Like most epic tales, this video begins in outer space. Yes, THAT outer space. As we hear the song's atmospheric synth opening, we see flashes of light and strange cosmic phenomena. It all seems to suggest that the music of Mr. Ocean was THE catalyst that triggered the Big Bang and thus the creation of the universe. An intriguing theory, and one I've personally suspected for many years. Despite this auspicious intro, the video goes downhill. Fast. First, we see this guy riding a horse on the beach. Except, it's not a guy. It's an alien. The alien wanders into a cave, except it's not a cave, it's some kinda alien watering hole. Imagine the cantina scene from Star Wars if the Art Director had been tweaked out on crystal meth.
"Where's Billy?" you might ask. Good question. I'm no physicist, but it seems the man has gotten himself stuck in a self-sustaining holographic matrix. Or maybe it's a trans-dimensional portal? Either way, this... thingy allows Billy to provide musical entertainment to the entire bar. As he does, the alien guy orders a drink, pulls out a blaster, shoots some demonic creep and steals his woman... a HOTT purple haired goat-like creature. I shit you not, this actually happens in the video. Finally the alien couple go riding off into the sunset. Literally.
So I'm not really sure what to make of this video. On a conceptual level, it was clearly before its time. WAY before. Maybe someday, in the far future, it will make perfect sense. Until then... W T F ???????????????