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Natalie Cole - Pink Cadillac

Video- *.5
Song- *.5

Pink Bubble Gum Pop-Flop

I didn't actually want to review this vid. I mean how can I? I know her father is Nat King Cole, and she's got a great voice and all, but this is pure bubble gum pop, it's just a little too bland and lame. It appears like she's just trying to ride that Michael/Janet Jackson kind of vibe to get a hit and make money. The lyrics, while they may have appealed to the masses in the 80s, just don't speak to me at all, and I find it difficult to believe it would appeal to a large amount of people. Who really cares about a pink cadillac? If any of you FREAKS actually like this vid... please come back soon! :)
Apparently, it was written by Bruce Springsteen, but that doesn't make it too much better for me either.
And WHAT does Debbie Gibson think she's doing pulling that pose while she's pushing a car??? It's like DAMN, bitch, mind doing some WORK??? Cars don't move by themselves ya know. Oh whatever you know what I mean.

*THIS VIDEO IS WAY DOWNLOADABLE!*
(Right) click on the far right button and select Save As.

Terence Trent D'Arby - Wishing Well

Video- ***
Song- ****.25

Think He Likes Fisting?

Is it just me or does he sometimes look like a dinosaur? Can't figure out why that is. Or possibly something from Fraggle Rock. Song is cool. It's got that quirky sound to it and even though it's just another 80s pop song, it comes across as jazzy and slick. His voice is raspy and he's full of energy which really comes across in his vocals. It doesn't seem that dated to me. At least not like some other videos.
One of my all-time favorite songs from the 80s is his other track, "Sign Your Name" which is like a masterpiece, a classic, and has a very unique sound for an 80s song. Here's an OK remix of it.
Video- I dunno just kinda standard band shots and playing around with the editing. It's a good forum for promoting Terence himself, and it does that well, but it's not really too much more than that. The part where he's doing that schizoid dance just after the three minute mark is scary. Oh, and could a guy possibly BE any more spidery? I don't think so.

Sinitta - So Macho

Video- *
Song- *

No Wonder She's An Unknown

This vid reminds me of something... oh yeah! CRAP! I feel sorry for the people who made this video. Namely Simon Cowell. I mean, sure he's a bazillionaire but is it worth all that to have made something like this?
The song is so incredibly cheap. And trashy. Just nastily disgustified, that's how I feel about this video. It's a good thing. At least for the purposes of this website.
I can appreciate the humor in this video, at least I would appreciate it if only it were funny. Of course I like videos that don't take themselves too seriously, but really, this one is just not very funny.
This is vid #3 in the Triple Slut Offensive. The tragedy is now over.

TRIPLE SLUT OFFENSIVE #3

Kelly Marie - Feels Like I'm In Love

Video- **
Song- **.5

Feels Like I'm Gonna Be Seasick

This video is #2 in the series of the Triple Slut Offensive on trashfan.com. We're in the midst of armageddon, here.
So- this video... well, it's just my humble opinion, but if you're the director of a music video, I just believe that it's not such a good thing to have people who look bored in it. It could be just a crazy idea, but I dunno, I feel I could be on to something.
And it is a kind of awkward image anyway, isn't it? A red-headed chick with two lanky black guys from the navy- like what message is she trying to convey, exactly? Sorry, but the only image that comes to my mind is of multi-partner, interracial porn.
The song is pretty fun in my opinion. It's catchy and only slightly irritating. The video gets two stars for laughability points only. Gotta love those extremely bored kids.

TRIPLE SLUT OFFENSIVE #2

Sabrina - Boys (Summertime Love)

Video- *
Song- *

Looks Like Stevie Wonder Directed This One

It wears the colors of Italy so proudly- but it really shouldn't. This could be one of the most retarded videos ever. I don't actually want to say much about it- I'll leave most up to your interpretation. Too bad she didn't leave her nipples up to our imaginations. I just don't get the split-screen with the b&w side. It must have been down to human error, or possibly some type of optical disease.
The song- do I really need to go into it? The thing is, I don't want to say it's like one of the most painful listening experiences a person can go through, just to have somebody comment that it's their favorite song in the world and how I am missing out on some brilliant grand scheme that Sabrina included in her "artwork" which reveals the answer to parallel universes or some crap. Although... speaking of parallel universes in regard to this video, uh... nevermind. So, on that note, it's a terrible video- just deal with it.
This video review is actually the beginning of a Triple Slut Offensive here on trashfan.com - stayed tuned for the other two sluts.

TRIPLE SLUT OFFENSIVE #1

Siouxsie & The Banshees - Dear Prudence

Video- *****
Song- *****

She's A Superfreak! Superfreak! She's Superfreakin'... Yow!

Great song, right? Ok, so it's not your usual Samantha Fox, Whitney Houston, regular plain old bubble gum-flavored-ice-cream 80s POP, it's much more in a Gothic style, which was like a part of the movements going on in the late seventies and early 80s called New Wave, New Romantic & Neotragic Existence. It's all about showing how the happy, pop culture is only one side to the story and how there are other ways of thinking out there, just below the surface. This is a very short excerpt from wikipedia.org:
"Defining an ideology of the gothic subculture is difficult for several reasons. First is the overwhelming importance of mood for those involved. This is, in part, inspired by romanticism and neoromanticism. The allure for goths of dark, mysterious, and morbid imagery and mood lies in the same tradition." [from the section Gothic ideology]
As you can see, the style is very deep and its origins go back thousands of years, and I could go on and on about it. Or I could just redirect you to this other freak.

Visage - Fade To Grey

Video- ****.75
Song- *****

Um.... Ok

Cool song, it's got a nice subtle beat and it's kind of cold but in a cool way. Can I say cool again? Cool. Um. It might be a little freakish and frigid, but it still has a good groove and feels full of life. It's also very understated and doesn't try to explode at you like other songs from the 80s.
Video is kinda just like, OK... um... nice. FREAK FREAK FREAK!!! No, I personally think it's kinda cool, just like the song- the two fit each other very well. This is like in the heyday of the New Wave movement, also known as the New Romantic or Nouveaux Trend movement. You know, like that guy Robert Smith from The Cure, Adam Ant, Siouxsie & The Banshees, even the freakin' Flock Of Seagulls.

Bananarama - I Heard A Rumour

Video- *
Song- **

Another Disaster Which Could Have Been Prevented With Contraception

Ugh. Puke. Gross. Do I really have to review this? You people expect me to do the strangest things sometimes- really you do. Well, here it is. It stinks. Do these no-brained clams really think that's choreography? Just because they can point??? It's not dancing OR choreography by any definition- they don't even have the basics down. They can't sing either, I mean, sure they can hit the right notes but there's no class to it at all- their voices are so bland it's the sonic equivalent of eating a piece of cardboard.
And of course- WHAT THE @*$&*@$^!#!!!!! are they wearing?!?!!? It angers me to see people stooping to this level of stupidity but I just need to remind myself that by doing so, they only hurt themselves.
The song is pretty bad, lets face it- by any measure it's terrible. But it's also a terrible shame that it's so EXTREMELY catchy, because it also means that there's something about it I can't resist. I liked it growing up, so I guess that's why I tolerate it. Wait, let's not end on THAT note- this vid is just plain RETARDED!!!

Prince & The Revolution - Kiss

Video- ***
Song- *****

One Freaky Lookin Smurf

The video is ok. Interesting to look at and all, that is every shot that doesn't have Prince in it. He should really use a stand-in. For all intents and purposes I will now refer to the artist who, at some point, had no name, changed it, or whatever, as Purple Smurf. Do I really need to explain why? No, it's obvious.
This song is just amazing. It took that clean sound that 80s music was striving for and took it to the next level with a very minimalistic approach to the song. It's interesting that aside from Prince's lead vocals, there seems to be very little that is melodic. All the instruments seem to take on a more percussive, rhythmic role than providing the melody. The bass is extremely basic, if it's even there at all. Not to mention the groove factor is excellent. For that it's just one of Purple Smurf's incredible achievements. In this song you can tell he really put all of himself into his work to make it great.
Sorry "peoplez" out there who may disagree, but this original song is just plain much better than Tom Jones' version. Even Purple Smurf isn't as sleazy as TJ.