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NOW you can join the new FACEBOOK group: trashfan.com Fan Club for Fans. Members will receive 10% off on on all ceiling fans -BAD JOKE. Sorry, but some of the videos here are much worse than that. You'll see.

Also featuring trashfan's MySpace page: trashfan's Third Base. Add me, baby.

The Video Of The Week feature is a feature (yes) which (are you following me) features a video (got that?). It allows handsome visitors, such as yourself, to DOWNLOAD a video each week- COLLECT THEM ALL, MUHAHAHA!!!

AND- NEW just for you, is the MTV FROM SCRATCH feature presentation! Take a look!

I try to upload a new vid every week, but hey, I got a life. It's full of extreme knitting sessions, playing minesweeper in a lusty fashion and LARPing with my homies.
THEN, there's the new SIGNATURE VIDEO, the e-spit-ome of trashfan.com itself.
AND, just a quick reminder: you can always visit The Archives for all of the past favorite reviews of the sleaziest videos in town. [Long pages need a little time to boot the videos, btw. If your video stutters, it helps to isolate the video review by clicking on the vid's Permalink at the bottom.]
So take your eyeballs and forcefully smash them into your computer screens now... as I take you on a journey, a journey which will last as long as your internet addiction, which clings tightly like a glove, keeps its hold on you. Or until the mother of your children throws your laptop out the window, whatever- makes no diff to me.

Chief Trashfan

Princess - Say I'm Your Number One

Video- ****
Song- **.5

PRINCESS??????

You could make the assertion that she taught Michael Jackson the moonwalk, but what you don't see is that the tow truck guy decided to tow her instead of her car. I'm not sure if her name is a reference to Prince or if it's pure delusion. I'm guessing it's a mixture of both, mixed with a tinge of derangement. I mean, who else wears a hot pink monkey hat in her only chance to have less than 15 minutes of fame? If you've ever heard of her, you're probably just her producer.
She has two looks going on, so you'd think at least one of them wouldn't suck so bad, but of course, they do. Her pecs aren't really so impressive, she should really work out. My number one? I'll say she's my number two. Mind you, that's number two in a different sense than she has in mind.
I know you're thinking "what's with the lipstick?" Well, don't be judgmental- maybe she just ate a whole bucketload of ice cubes... and... and maybe the number one earring she wears is for the number of brain cells she has. You never really know with her, the poor thing has issues. I like how the people in the street near the end are like "WHY are we bloody here? This is NOT worth the 100 pounds she paid us to stand here, the bloody trollup."
The song is as much dorky as it is catchy and like everything else in the video, very dated. I dunno, what do you think, 2 and a half stars? Whatever. Enjoy the *crappiness* that is- Princess!

Tina Turner - What's Love Got To Do With It?

Video- ****
Song- *****

Ummm, It Has... Wait, What Was The Question?

This is a great song isn't it? I can't imagine there's many people who don't like it. It's just a plain classic song, really, is there a need to say why? Since it's pretty much just a given how good it really is, I'll shut up about it now.
The video, on the other hand, or should I say, the hair, is a little over-the-top. Well, a little? More like RuPaul on acid fisting a poodle while making scrambled eggs over-the-top. Why the need to be so big? Probably cause they were like, "She's old. Everybody's gonna turn away in horror if we don't make a HUGE distraction right on top of her head. I KNOW! Let's do the hairy cactus/palm tree look we did for Sideshow Bob way back in the day when he was doing Masterpiece Theater. That look, only more feminine. Kinda bride of Frankenstein but without the streaks. Ok, maybe a few streaks. Oh I give up let's just go watch Dynasty."

New Kids On The Block - The Right Stuff

Video- **
Song- **.5

Oh Oh Oh OH NO

The video starts with a carwreck, and it continues to be a carwreck throughout the entire video. It's definitely got kitch value. I do think Jordan, the lead singer, is a good one and does a great job in the song. Although it seems he does carry the other guys a little too much. One other dude has- what- one line?? And occasionally they all say "the right stuff", and maybe the annoying "oh oh oh etc." is them too. Who cares, though really? It's ultimate cheesiness. The whole thing may not be technically trashy, but the melody of the "oh oh oh etc." is so catchy that it makes the rest pretty dern trashy and again, VERY CHEESY.
You may recall a nasty rumor that Donny, the blond (and brother of Mark Wahlburg) had "relations" with one (a few??) of the others and there were some nasty details which I won't mention which involved pumping 4 oz of semen out of his stomach. Ooops. Well I doubt anybody will ever reveal if it's true or not anyway.
The girls in the video seem to be in ecstasy, or at least faking an orgasm... they must have been paid pretty well. The "dance moves"? Well, let's just say my great-granny could not only bust a move better, but also choreograph her way out of a paper bag better than these goofballs, and she wouldn't have used the ho-down dance they used either.

Dead Or Alive - You Spin Me Round (Like A Record Player)

Video- *****
Song- **.5

Dead Or ALICE?

Somebody once said that this is the gayest song ever. Yes, possibly. But more than this one? It's a very close call. But clearly nobody would have any shame at all in that statement. Especially the lead singer, Pete Burns. I like how he points his finger at us accusingly as if we're the freaks. You think he looks kinda queerish in the video? Do you know what he looks like nowadays? Would you like to see? Are you sure? Are you really sure? But really REALLY REALLY REALLY sure? Then take a look at this pic. That's right. The guy is not exactly a normal transexual or... a normal... sexual, he's got the body of a man but has plastic surgerized his face into a woman's. If you don't believe that pic, check out the band's website. Yes, he did it on purpose. Anyway, if you looked like he did beforehand, you might do the same too.
The dude was actually on Celebrity Big Brother in England. He was truly entertaining to watch since he was so cynical and had a terribly bitchy attitude and was in there with a politician and some other lousy freaks.
Last but not least about this video, even more curious than the double gender circus freaky deal he's got going on these days, what's up with the frickin eyepatch???

Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule The World

Video- ***
Song- *****

Nowadays They'd Be Called "Beers For Spears"

This song obviously kicks ass. From the very first guitar hook, through the non-sounding 80s rhythm and the chord progression of the whole song, this is an obviously classic. Very 80s in general but still holding its own as a song that is very relatable to the masses. It seems everyone can relate to this song. After all, everybody does want to rule the world!
The vid is pretty 80s, pretty standard except for the nasty ponytail-mistake-of-fashion and the two black dudes dancing in front of the gas pumps (???). The band is a really good one, I feel that as musicians they have a lot of integrity and are not that trashy, but still this site deserves to have a gem or a few!

Irene Cara - Flashdance... What A Feeling

Video- **.5
Song- **.5

More Like Trashdance

Ok, how gay is this? It's from the movie, Flashdance. You probably knew that. Um. It has a girl dancing. She's sexy. She's a dancer. Actually she's a stripper, let's do her justice, ok? She's a slut. What! She really is, she TOTALLY put out on the first date. I acquired some really bad habits from her. One was dancing in a retarded way to "Maniac". But yeah, she totally put out and the guy was a gorilla. Have you SEEN his knuckles?
The song at the time it came out was uplifting and hopeful and all that crap and now it's kinda... crap. I mean in all actuality it's a nice song and Irene Cara the vocalist (who starred in the film "Fame" and also sang the theme tune), is a great singer but it's kinda hard to take it seriously. Let's just put it this way, I wouldn't play it where I know a big gang of construction workers can hear it. On the other hand, most construction workers are just cheesy enough so that they would probably totally dig it. Enjoy!

MTV From Scratch: "I Could Be Happy"

TRASHFAN SPECIAL FEATURE: MTV From Scratch is basically me goofing off in front of the camera, making my own music video just like the ones I love to watch! I took an 80's song I really love and one day grabbed the camera and started shooting! I also like to use exclamation points!!! Ok I'll stop now. The music is from Altered Images, a GREAT but mostly unknown New Wave/Punk band from Scotland. Everything else, the shooting, directing, editing and obviously the enactments, I did myself. If you like it, please leave a comment in the BLOG section of my MySpace, or on the video's YouTube page.

Thanks for watching!

Shannon - Let The Music Play

Video- ***
Song- ****.5

While The Slut's Away, The Retards'll Play

I don't what it is about this song but there's something that makes me like it. Maybe just the slick mood and synthy instrumentation. Yeah- I think it's that the sounds are very cold and electronic but in a dark way, but it's still got that groove that makes you wanna kick and flail your arms in that goofy-80s-dancing-Molly-Ringwald kind of way.
The video started off fine, but then these goofy bow-tied freaks (who are apparently prepared for a flood since their pants are hiked up their ass cracks beyond the point of no return. One of the losers looks up as if he doesn't even realize what's going on. They kinda need to be given a clue, really. Good luck with that, Shannon.

Soft Cell - What!

Video- *
Song- *

"WHAT!" Is Right!!!

Whoever made this has an illness. Did they really think this would go mainstream and be popular? Well, that's not always the main goal of musicians, but in the 80s it was the goal 90% of the time. On the other hand, this goofy type of video was somehow a trend of the time and reminds me of another disaster. The vid is very Andy Warhol, Roy Lichtenstein, and Pop Art style, but is there really any point to it?
The song is pretty catchy but I don't consider that a necessarily good quality at all and furthermore it's incredibly goofy. It's slightly 60s Motown which was a popular thing in the 80s, but the song's style doesn't match the Andy Warhol style at all. The music Andy Warhol was involved with was much more psychedelic. No, sorry I mean psychedelic.

Bryan Adams - Run To You

Video- **.5
Song- *****

YEAH MAN- (burp) BRYAN ADAMS MAN!!! (belch) YEAH!!!

The start of this song is a good example of how any good song should start. It's kinda romantic, which to me usually equals sappy, but it somehow captures your attention really well, a very smooth introduction to the rest of the song, which is a very understated classic rock anthem.
This video is pretty standard, really. Bryan Adams is looking well and cool here in all Canadian-ness, even in his oversized 80s glasses. What- we all did that back then. They just didn't make them smaller. No hint of his bad complexion- maybe it's all the vaseline on the lens or just the poor quality of the 80s film??? I believe there's some chick from either Beverly Hills 90210 or Melrose Place or some crappy old show like that which btw I never watched 'cause they're, well, crap. No, maybe she isn't but I recognize her from SOME crappy tv show- don't deny it, you KNOW she's crap. She should really get an award. Best actress staring blankly at the camera and occasionally running, especially when the word run is being used in the song... how entirely predictable of her.